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Dog Humor
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If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
~Phil Pastoret
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Sleeping Dogs

Whoever said "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE" didn't sleep with dogs.

The first
thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking
difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.

Rule Number One:

The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with
dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment
necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of
the bed.

Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have
achieved the center position on the bed - with all covers carefully
tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very
effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes
preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and,
with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human
to the floor.

Rule Number Two:

Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed. As you cling to the
edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore
at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down,
the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed
becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out
with a bit of "sleep running," lots of eye movement and then, suddenly,
a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The
horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly
devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head
like a demented Daniel Boon cap.

Rule Number Three:

The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog. The night creeps on and you
fall
asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet
slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps - breathing heavily and
passing
wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a
distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position
itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog
obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could
romp all over your sleeping bodies - or the ever-loving insertion of a
tongue
in an unsuspecting ear.

Rule Number Four:

When the dog wakes - you wake. So, why do we put up with this? There's
no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps
together at night - safe, contented, heavy and loud.

author unknown
taken from Work Gold List on February 19th, 2006